Ode to Dismal Nitch

/ / Published in Dispatches from the Road

Has our friend Clay Jenkinson been too long alone on the Lewis and Clark Trail?

Earlier this week, Clay made a pilgrimage to the site called Dismal Nitch, where Lewis and Clark were marooned for six miserable days in November 1805. There is a somewhat confusing academic debate about which of the three or four identical nitches within a two-mile stretch of the Columbia River estuary is the actual, official, certified Dismal Nitch. This seems to have sent Clay into a bit of a spin.
Earlier this week, Clay made a pilgrimage to the site called Dismal Nitch, where Lewis and Clark were marooned for six miserable days in November 1805. There is a somewhat confusing academic debate about which of the three or four identical nitches within a two-mile stretch of the Columbia River estuary is the actual, official, certified Dismal Nitch. This seems to have sent Clay into a bit of a spin. (National Park Service)

Editor’s Note: We all know that our friend and colleague Clay Jenkinson has spent too much time alone in his Airstream trailer. Signs that he was beginning to come apart have been building for several weeks. A brief survey of his recent internet searches indicates that the largest number were for: Ginsu Knives, box cutters, Laudanum, “Adult Sacagawea Dolls,” self-hypnosis, and home straightjacket kits. Earlier this week, he made a pilgrimage to Dismal Nitch on the Washington side of the estuary of the Columbia River, where Lewis and Clark were marooned for six miserable days in November 1805. Clay was apprised that there is a very lively debate at the highest academic levels about which of the three or four identical nitches within a two-mile stretch is the actual, official, certified Dismal Nitch. That’s when the wheels appear to have come off his life. We found his trailer abandoned at Nitch 3.214, with nothing in it but the following poem on the dinette table.

Ode to Dismal Nitch

So now we’re stuck at Dismal Nitch

Cap Lewis says it’s just a sitch

But Clark will whine and rage and bitch

He do not like this Dismal Nitch

Life is grim at Dismal Nitch

Although who knows which Nitch is which

It wouldn’t do no good to switch,

Each nitch is dismal, each nitch a bitch

Nitch 1 is dismal, who’d a thunk,

No place to sit no place to bunk

One corpsman slept upon a trunk

He said he loved it but he’s a punk.

Nitch 2 is just as grim as 1

No supper, rest, no hope, no sun

And when the tide begins to run

I’d end it all if I had a gun.

Let scholars nominate their nitch

One’s name is Hiram, t’other Mitch

But all they do is shout and twitch

Cause no one knows which nitch is which.

But now I’ve got a primal itch

To spend my life at Dismal Nitch

Summers at the other Nitch

If I can learn which Nitch is which.

If I remained at Dismal Nitch

I’d sell folks cards and other kitsch

And make them vote which Nicth is which

They’d be flummoxed but I’d be rich.

The richest man at Dismal Nitch.

Douglas Horchuck

Follow Clay and the LTA Airstream as he retraces the famous Lewis & Clark Trail from 1804-1806 across the continent. This 2025 expedition is a central part of LTA’s big initiative to explore the country and take the pulse of America as it approaches its 250th birthday. Be sure to follow Clay’s adventures here and on Facebook — and subscribe to our newsletter.

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